Monday, February 22, 2010

Truly scrambling to get it down before I fall asleep

Tonight I sit here and watch Emma sleep. I am thinking about where I stand in life. Where I stand with God, where I stand with my children, and where I stand with my husband.

I am a good mother, at least I think so. My kids are fed, clothed and usually in good health. Every night we say prayers and I pray that I am instilling something in their hearts that will follow them into adulthood. I pray that my children know how much I truly love them. I worry that they wont follow after God when they grow up. I know many children who were raised in church that have fallen away from God.

I sometimes feel that with Aaron being out of work for so long that I am driving him crazy. He is one who has to be busy and I find that I dont get near enough done with him here all day. I get frustrated, he laughs at my temper and ends up making me laugh along with him. Its days like that when I realize why I fell in love with him. I often think he can see more in me than he admits to.

There are also times when I wish I could have five simple minutes alone with God. No kids screaming mommy, no house work piled up waiting on me, and no husband asking whats for supper. Just a few minutes alone, just me and God.Iime for Him to visit me, and show me what He wants of me, or I want to just sit and listen, wait for Him to just say hello. I know that is the one relationship that is not what it was four months ago.

Four months, it's amazing what four months of sleeplessness will do to you. Four months of late nights and early morning feedings. I know all too soon though my baby girl will grow up, and I will find the quiet time with God I used to have at night. Until then, I will wait till bed time, say my prayers, and hope that God will have mercy on me and whisper before I fall asleep...my child I have not forgotten you.

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